Sunday, May 8, 2011

Eurovision Song Contest: the Power Ballad.

With all the over-deep and over-powerful emoting, Eurovision ballads often come across as rather thinly stretched, but for Eurovision watchers, that's generally a feature, not a bug. What with the music being so pedestrian, the singers have to add a little something SPECIAL to get their act across:

The Lady in the Shadows:

By most objective standards, this first offering isn't quite a power-ballad. Don't let the amateur ballerinas or kettle-drums fool you; the cheese, the toneless lyrics, the directorial restraint (yes, I said restraint) and above all, the shenanigans happening not quite backstage all qualify this number for this post: it's a Power Ballad, Eurovision style.
            Count your blessings.  At least there weren't any Lisa Frank dolphins this year.
            To clarify: Eurovision rules require that if you're on stage, it had better be for real. If there's a violin or a kettle drum or a musical chainsaw up there - that's where the sound of it must be coming from.  And all singing happens live, on stage. No exceptions.
            But it doesn't say that the lady up front in the short sparkly cleavage has to be the one doing the singing.
            Keep your eyes open for the woman in in the shadows at the back of the stage.

(The Balkan Girls have refused to comment.)

Romania, 2009 - The Balkan Girls:

For a change of pace, I offer you:

Sparkle Tutu Fairies:

Whatever you do, don't fall asleep. I won't say when the magic happens, because you'd simply skip to that moment in the song, and without living through everything that comes before it, the moment will mean nothing!
I will say only this: If you're watching this video alongside a female under the age of nine, there will be glitter paint in your future. Approximately six square meters of the stuff. In pink.

Belarus, 2010 - We Are Butterflies:

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